A teacher and lecturer on everything from advanced sex practices to writing great filthy stories, M. Christian will be joining SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free bi-weekly to offer some down to earth advice on all touchy (or feely) issues. M. Christian is the author of at least 200 published short stories in books like Best American Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Bondage Erotica (and hoards of other bests). M. Christian is also the editor of over 20 erotic anthologies including the Best S/M Erotica series. If you want to toss a question into the ring for M. Christian to address, or if you'd like to offer some feedback, email him at his SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free handle (you'll never guess): MChristian.

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The old chestnut goes that while it’s easy to catch a man, it’s hard to keep him -- well, hopefully, after this brief introduction to the art of sensuous bondage some of you out there will know not only how to keep him, but also -- should he slip loose --how to keep him coming back for more.

From an outsider’s point of view it’s hard to see how bondage gained its popularity. It’s kind of like looking at an artichoke: Many heads have been scratched pondering the first caveman (or cavewoman) who boiled the ugly thing then peeled away the barbed leaves for the tasty insides (let alone scrapping the leaves themselves). Bondage is much the same -- getting pleasure out of being tied up?

But for those who’ve been on the receiving end of it, the allure of sensuous bondage is obvious: The emotional relief of being freed from all physical actions; the danger of being at the mercy of another person (and a female person at that!); and the physical sensation of being wrapped, held, immobilized… Many people might turn up their noses at S/M, at what they see as “pain,” but not at the idea of being restrained and ministered to. You can’t whip me but -- yeah! -- you can sure tie me up!

Like everything, there is a wrong way, a right way, and room for exploration in bondage. The wrong way is pretty obvious -- your partner is in pain (not the good kind) or suffers some kind of injury because of your bondage.

One of my favorite S/M maxims is that the true test of a dominant, or top, isn’t the pain they can put someone through, or the tricks they know, but how they react when things go wrong -- so with that in mind always approach your bondage with an eye towards Murphy’s Law. If you use rope have paramedic shears around (you can usually get them at any hardware store), if you use chain have bolt cutters handy (no kidding!), and if you HAVE to use handcuffs have plenty of keys.

The human body is a great thing for tying up -- but there are some obvious limitations (like breathing and using your limbs after being restrained). A#1 is the neck -- do not put anything, anything at all, against the throat. Now, the back of the neck is fine, but you always want to avoid putting any kind of pressure against the windpipe for obvious reasons (breathing, right?). The other thing to avoid is putting too much restriction on the joints -- such as the wrists, elbows, ankles and knees. If your partner feels cold or cool at the extremities then that’s a clear sign that the bondage is too tight. Same for tingling or lack of sensation.

Because there is such a potential for having some serious not-fun with bondage, it is with a sincerely straight face that I always suggest that people supply their first attempts not at their local heavy-duty S/M emporium, but rather at their local grocers.

THE PLEASURES OF PLASTIC WRAP
Plastic wrap is a wonderful tool for bondage: Cheap, restrictive (but not dangerously so) -- whole classes have been taught around the bondage wonders of plastic wrap. In brief, all you need is a roll (and they come in colors!), and a willing volunteer. Stand said volunteer, start wrapping (staying away from the face) and continue till done. The trick with plastic wrap is in lowering someone down onto a bed or table -- experience has taught me that the best way to do this is to leave the legs free so your partner can maneuver at least a little bit. After getting onto the table you can then have them lift their legs for the final wrap.

What’s also nice about plastic wrap is that while it can be very restrictive it is also very easy to get out of -- it stretches! If your partner feels the sudden need to get out of it, all they have to do is move around a bit -- and bingo, it loosens till they can either slip out of it, tear it off.

GEAR IS HERE
The next technique after plastic wrap in terms of safety and security is, surprisingly, not rope, but rather the world of techno-fetish specialty gear, meaning official restraints versus clothes line and jump ropes. The reason for this, at least in my eyes, is that while rope is cheaper and more available, the potential for seriously fucking up someone is quite a bit higher. Keep in mind that rope wasn’t designed for human comfort -- while most of those nasty wrist, ankle and belt restraints, believe it or not, are.

The trick for restraint devices is to make sure they fit -- not too tight (and so cut off circulation) and not too loose (defeats the purpose of them, doesn’t it?). The other trick is to find some that you and your partners like. Keep in mind that something that looks majorly cool may not be workable at all, so let your common sense lead you rather than your fashion sense. Same goes for what to use with the restraints. Rope might be fairly risky on the body itself but is safer than chain for connecting restraints. And if you have to use chain be sure you can get your partner out of it in a hurry -- use snap clips or have bolt cutters handy. Unless you’ve been playing for a while, stay away from locks. As with anything, buy quality -- you can’t save on safety. Places like Mr. S leather here in San Francisco, sell the good stuff, but to make things really simple, you only need to click on "Shop" and the folks at Extreme Restraints will help you with a fat and happy catalogue full of great restraints. Do some research, try things out on yourself, be on the lookout for SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free toy reviews ("Where the Toys Are" in the SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free archives does a nice comparison review on leather and rubber wrist restraints).

Once you've got the gear, where's the best place to secure your little boundling? Yeah, Japanese suspension rope bondage looks hot, with your partner all dangling and splayed, and, yes, that photo you saw of some German who hoisted her slave ten feet in the air is a major turn-on, but you’re new at this: Have your partner lie down on a good bed or a massage table. Standing up or sitting up is risky for bondage, as all it would take is your partner fainting for the bondage to be pulled too tight and become too inextricable, beside the fact that it could pull against an easily damaged part of the body when your partner dead-weights against it.

RELUCTANTLY ROPE
Okay, you’ve got him or her on the bed -- we’ve covered plastic wrap, bondage gear, so I guess it’s time to hit the one that actually takes the more practice and has the most risks ... rope. Aside from silk scarves (a big “no-no” as they can slip, bind and do some real damage), rope is one of the most popular form of bondage used. It looks easy, but can be the most risky. My advice is that if rope really does “speak” to you, then take some classes, buy some books, and take it nice ... and... slow. Keep it simple -- don’t use too many knots, and always, always, always have some medical shears handy to cut your partner free. Safety first, hot times second, always.

One of the best ways to play with rope, and body bondage, is to do something I just finished saying not to: Try practicing with your partner standing up. The reason for this contradiction is that when someone is standing up it’s a lot easier to wrap the rope around their body -- but, still, don’t tie them to anything. Start with a good length of rope, 20 feet or so, find the middle and place it BEHIND your partner’s neck (never in front!) and then bring the two ends down, make a partial knot somewhere near their navel, and then bring it around their waist. You can also go all the way down and loop it between their legs, then back up and around the waist. From there, loop around the body, the breasts (in women as well as men) and so forth -- always being careful never to put anything around the throat or get too tight anywhere else. This is a very basic way of playing with rope, and if you have any concerns or questions stop and do some research: Take some classes, buy some books, or even buy some of the educational videos that are now available.

COPS AND ROBBERS
The most risky form of bondage is something that most players seem to forget wasn’t designed for pleasure -- handcuffs. Handcuffs, especially the cheap suckers that are sold in some of your sleazier porno shops, are extraordinarily dangerous. But if you feel the need for the bite of steel, always buy quality: Double-locks. Double-lock handcuffs have a pin on their keys that gets inserted into a special point on the cuffs, locking them so they can’t get any tighter. If your cuffs aren’t quality double-locks then throw them out and buy some. It’s also worth noting that handcuffs should never be used for suspension or on someone who likes to struggle or pull against bondage -- cuffs can cause some very severe wrist and nerve damage.

From the heavy to the sublime, there’s a lesser-known bondage that requires nothing at all -- no ropes, shackles, chain or even plastic wrap. Called "mental bondage" all is requires is the Mistress to say something along the lines of "Don’t move, and I mean it." With a well-trained, and enthusiastic bondage, the right verbal command should be able to freeze your partner into all kinds of delightful positions. Especially if you give him or her a difficult or tiring posture, or make the bound state challenging in some way. It’s more than worth it to play a sexual/sadistic game of "freeze." Only those seriously addicted to the sensation of being restrained will find mental bondage less than satisfying.

Okay, you’ve got your partner at your tender mercies, all tied up with no place to go -- so what do you do? It’s funny, but this is often the conundrum many Mistresses face. You can try all kinds of things: Ministering to their sexual needs while they are "helpless," or having them minister to yours -- with you in the "driver's seat." Or before that, take your partner on a luxurious guided meditation -- a blindfold and a good racy story, a little teasing and playing hard to get, these things can go a long way. If the bondage was enough of a workout on it's own, try simply giving your partner a soothing massage.

There's one thing first-timers need to look out for: bondage can surface unexpected emotions. With this in mind, whenever you’re trying out something new be sure to give both you and your partner a way to maintain communication. And remember to give the person you’ve tied (wrapped, bolted, chained, or otherwise restrained) the power to slow down or stop whatever’s going on. Your partner might be physically helpless, but a scene is a partnership, a binding of people, not bodies. It's also a carefully crafted illusion. Craft well, and you'll forget the illusion amidst all the fun. Be flexible if it doesn't happen according to plan; you'll enjoy it even more when it does. Now go out there and tie someone up -- and have fun!

[You can also check out M. Christian on his web site by visiting www.mchristian.com.]