Evil Nine - Cake Hole
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Posted:Dec 26, 2018 5:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2018 11:21 am
94837 Views
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I was going to title this post "Mean Girls 2 - The Meanening" but I was shocked to find out there is a Mean Girls 2 movie . I mean it was a TV movie but still . Question - "real" movies sometimes get TV movie sequels , has it ever happened the other way ? I doubt it , but it would be neat . So then I was going to call it "Mean Girls 3 Revenge of the Meanening" but Mean Girls 3 is ALSO already a movie . So then I gave up .
There's a website , well several probably but I only saw one , where people go and recount their interactions with celebrities and then rank it on a scale of -5 to 5 and then this data is aggregated to create a list of the "meanest" and "nicest" celebrities . This is exactly the kind of thing the internet exists for .
On an emotional level it bums me out to know that there is evidence that Jerry Seinfeld an Rihanna seem to be big time assholes but on an intellectual level I'm more surprised that any very famous person manages to be nice at all .
You read a story about someone going up to Bruce Willis and trying to talk to him about Die Hard and Bruce Willis being kind of a dick about it and that makes 100% logical sense . Because 11 million people ask him about Die Hard every damn day . There's no way you could not start to resent the very people that make you rich and famous right ?
And not to be mean but most of these people aren't bringing a lot to the table you know ? Remember that old SNL sketch were Chris Farley would "interview" celebrities and he would just go "remember that movie you were in ?" and then talk about how he liked said movie ? That's got to be what 90% of the "conversations" are .
And that's not even the point , even if the person had something interesting to say would you like people just walking up on you and starting a conversation like they know you apropos of nothing ? You know how much you get weirded out if a stranger so much as say more than "hi" to you ? Now imagine that every time you walk outside people are all up your ass about something you did 20 years ago .
"Dance for me clown ! I paid six dollars to see Blade you owe me !"
To me the surprising part is there's any celebrities that AREN'T assholes . Kudos to you Adam Driver . He's the current "nicest" celebrity you see . There's no women in the 10 top ten . Draw whatever conclusion you wish from that .
I've been accused at times of being "truthful" or a "straight-shooter" or "blunt" which is only partially true . Most of the time I keep my opinions to myself where they belong .
But the other day an acquaintance of mine asked me why he had so much trouble "connecting" with his father . And I asked him "what level of honesty do you want" and he said he wanted the fully monty . I knew he didn't really mean it but I went ahead anyway . Why ? Don't know .
I told him that as far as I could tell their dynamic didn't "work" because said father is a bully and said acquaintance is a narcissist so when his dad needles him he always rises to the bait which only encourages the dad to be more a jerk which just creates a feedback loop where eventually the dad is having a good old time and he's just getting madder and madder until he explodes .
I explained to him that when he's not around sometimes the dad tries the same crap on me or Teef or Gorn or Slippery Pete and we don't give a shit and then he stops because what a bully wants is a reaction . If he says something jerky and the person makes a big deal out of it that's what he wants - it's like a stray dog , if you feed it it's going to keep coming around .
And I went on to opine that said acquaintance cares very much about what everyone says or thinks about him because he has a very high opinion of himself - specifically how smart he is . So when his dad makes a comment about him being dumb he's 3/4ths of the way to blowing his stack already . I told him that he's an easy target for his dad's particular brand of assholery , actually I didn't say easy target I said "perfect victim" because I knew that would annoy him , which it did , which I felt proved my point .
"So I should have a thicker skin ?" he asked to which I said "I just wouldn't hang out with your dad anymore , I mean you don't enjoy it so why bother ?" Which may be a horrible thing to say but hey , i'm a real straight shooter .
Why do I bring this up ? No reason really .
But I will say this , my sister is in a state of semi-hysteria 80% of the time because she also is a narcissist , and people tend to be very anti-narcissist but I think we should be a little more sympathetic . I mean it can't be fun to feel like that right ? No one would choose to be like that if they could help it .
I don't remember exactly how old I was but I remember in junior high when I came to the realization that no one cares about me or anything I do and it was such a HUGE relief . It's shame that there are people that haven't figured that out because they would feel so much better about everything .
There doesn't seem to be much I can do about it though . As per usually .
Oh no , I was wondering what I could do about it ! Maybe I'm a narcissistic person as well !
Heh , asswell .
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Dominant bulls will mock copulate subordinate males
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Posted:Dec 24, 2018 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2018 4:34 pm
97413 Views
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I wonder which definition of mock they mean . Maybe both .
Back in olden times when two armies decided they wanted to go to war with each other sometimes they’d choose champions and have those dudes fight first – usually this was just to get everyone pumped for all the killing they were going to do when the real fighting got started but occasionally the deal was whoever won that duel would win the whole thing . If you thought that the most famous example of this was Achilles and Boagrius in Thessaly you are wrong and stupid because clearly the most famous example is David and Goliath the valley of the terebinth .
That is a good scene in the movie Troy though because it quickly becomes a character establishing moment for Achilles – demonstrating both that he’s a narcissist and that he’s a killing machine .
Anyway , so the Philistines and the Israelites are on opposite sides of the valley and neither wants to attack because they’ve be giving up the high ground to try and attack an opponent in superior position – not a fun time . The Philistines have this dude by the name of Goliath , big fella , about ten feet high – and unlike really tall humans he wasn’t all spindly and decrepit on account he wasn’t a human atal . He was a one of them nephilim you’re always hearing about . The point being he was huge and strong like a polar bear . This being olden times when fighting someone meant wailing away with a club or whatnot you didn’t want to tangle with this guy .
Not
One
Bit
So every morning after breakfast and every night post after diner drinks Goliath would come out and shout abuse and challenges to the Israelites saying he’d fight their champion in a winner takes all type deal . And everyone on the other side would look at Saul , the king of the Israelites because back in those times if you were in charge you were supposed to be a kick-ass fighter too . But Saul was “um . . . . nah” because he liked not being bashed to death .
Sidenote Goliath is generally described to be wearing the armor of a Greek solider which doesn’t make a ton of sense but hey , there’s no a lot of backstory on Goliath so maybe he was hanging out in Greece before this all went down . It could happen .
This goes on for 40 days and the Israelites are starting to get depressed because this dude is talking shit about them and they can’t do anything about it . But then this by the name of David says he’ll fight Goliath and everyone is like “WTF ?!” Which is actually supposed to be the real point of the story – that Saul was not a good person to have in command because he sent a to fight a giant , but whatever .
So the king is like “sounds great , go for it” and he tells David to put on his armor but David is like “nah , I’m too little for this armor” and he just goes out there . So Goliath comes running down the valley screaming a horrible scream that makes all the great warriors watching this cower in fear . But David squares his shoulders up and he takes a good look at this monster bearing down on him like a freight train (to use the modern parlance) and he takes his sling and he lets one fly . Bingo , he hits Goliath right in the forehead , cracks his skull open like a walnut and his brains leak out all over the place . It was pretty gross .
How did David beat Goliath ? The first thing David had to fight was his own fear . Once he conquered that Goliath wasn’t nothing but a thing . Because when Goliath came running , David planted his feet , took aim and waited . That balls on this guy . Just a few more steps and Goliath would've crushed him .
That's how you fight monsters . You lure them in close to you , you look them square in the ugly mug , and you smack them down .
One thing they don’t talk about is that after Goliath was killed aliens came to earth and took his body away for their studies in genetic engineering . Their race was decaying physically and they wanted robust humanoid specimens to check out to see how they could save themselves . Sadly time ran out on the poor little runty bastards . Later on NASA found their research on a satellite orbiting Saturn (not on purpose it had been captured by the gravity well) and put it to good use in their space super solider program (the SSSP) developing warriors to fight against the Mi-Go .
As you all know Homicide : Life on the Streets used to be one of my favorite shows until one of my SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free pals ruined it . She said to me she said “why do the characters stand so close to each other when they talk ? I keep thinking they all about to make out .” I had never noticed that before despite watching the entire series 3-4 times . Now it’s ALL I can see so I can’t watch it .
Anyway , in the first few seasons the detectives were all kind of detective-looking if you know what I mean ; there was only one lady and she was no prize right ? But the TV people came to them and said “look if you want to keep doing this show you need to get some attractive people in here toot sweet” so a bunch of the old characters died or got kicked off the force and they brought in a couple of young studs and some sexy ladies . For SOME reason the show wasn’t as good after this . Go figure .
For the most part they played this “Hollywood style” and it wasn’t a thing , but there was one story arc where the sexiest of the sexy ladies was trying to execute a material witness warrant (is that even a real thing ? ) on this dude and he books so she pulls her gun on him . And the guy is all like “You want me as witness but you’re going to shoot me ?” and when she lets her guard down he gets the jump on her and kicks her ass and takes her gun . Which he then uses to shoot one of the other detectives .
So the male detectives are all like “this is unsafe , you can’t send us out there with chicks to try and grab people – all they can do is draw their gun and that’s not how this works” . It didn’t go anywhere storywise but I do wonder about that very thing sometimes when I’m watching a movie where Ashley Judd or Jodie Foster or whoever is playing a lady detective is running after the creepy serial killer – what’s she going to do when she catches him ?
I wish I could remember the movie , I want say it was Sicario but I know it’s not , where Chalize Theron is playing a detective and she runs after this dude and when she grabs him he busts her in the face and runs off – next scene is her in the hospital with a concussion . That seems like generally the likely outcome .
Now I know we’re talking about fake movie bullshit so it doesn’t matter anyway – I mean if I can accept all the other insane stuff that happens in movies why can’t I accept this , and I can , but these things cross my mind . I am not a violent criminal , I am a 40 year old fatman who walks on a treadmill , but even so I’m pretty sure that if Jorja Fox tried to tackle me it wouldn’t amount to much . Is that sexist ? I don’t know but I do know that some people get very upset if you say men are stronger than women . In general .
I also don’t know much about police procedure but I suppose IRL it never comes up anyway . When you’re going to arrest an armed and dangerous murderer it’s not just a comically mismatched pair of detectives that go to pick them – it’s probably a whole bunch of dudes in flak vests with all kinds of high powered weaponry .
In conclusion you remember that movie Winter’s Bone that J-Law did before she was famous and started making kind of shitty movies ? I do . It was great .
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Movie Pitch - Robot Boss
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Posted:Dec 23, 2018 1:01 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2018 12:39 pm
98181 Views
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First two things . One , there's a new member in my area by the name of clownfetish . Do you think she wants to get nailed by a clown or she likes dressing up like a clown to bang ? Or both ? I'd like to imagine SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free dudes buying clown suits because they want to get the action and then once they meet she's like "no , I don't like that one" . I guess what I'm saying is I wish her name was pickyclownfetish .
Two , there's a post on these here blogs right now titled Yelp - Blowjobs which I thought was going to be Yelp reviews of blowjobs . It was not . Sadly .
Alright so Betty Monroe is one of these skirts and heels go-go business types you hear about . She's been working her way up the corporate ladder at Red Star Promotions (a division of ToffTech Interglobal) for ten years and is solidly ensconced in middle management . She's interviewing for VP of Southwest Region North Sector Sales Marketing Support IT Logistics Support and she's nailing it . After the interview the walks out of the board room and allows herself a little fist pump of victory .
One of her contacts gets screwed up though and she ducks into the bathroom to fix it - the men's room . Once she realizes this she quickly turns to leave but someone is coming in so she hides in the stall instead . It's two of the business-dudes what that just interviewed her . They talk about how great the interview went and how they're over the moon with Betty Monroe . BUT then they mention how it's too bad they can't offer her the job because the board would never allow a woman in that position . The interview was a total waste of time . They go out to play golf .
Betty Monroe slowly comes out of the stall , her hopes and dreams crushed . In walks Jimmy the "wacky" intern who doesn't tuck in his shirt . He seems confused for a second and then grins , looking her up and down . Betty Monroe remarks "You've been watching too much porn" and walks out dully .
Later she's at Bang-Bang, the local watering-hole , commiserating with her friends Raquel Evers (the slightly less attractive subordinate female character) and Lynn Oreline (the Hollywood homely childhood friend) when a real dirtbag comes up to her with a sleazy pick-up line . She says (lying) that she has a boyfriend but that doesn't back him off . She says she's not interested but he says she just needs to get to know him . She finally says "I have herpes" and he goes "Me too !"
After she finally gets rid of him Raquel says "that was the Junior Chief Operating Executive of Group Seven Northeastern Bulbs and Lighting Division of TeleOmniComm" and Betty Monroe starts bawling . Lynn pats her on the back and says sadly "It's a man's world" . Betty Monroe stops crying and lifts her head "Yeah . . . yeah it is ."
Cut to the three of them in Betty's garage , Hall & Oates "You Make My Dreams Come True" plays as Betty works on a mandroid much to the amazement of Raquel and Lynn . "How did you learn how to do that ?" says Raquel , to which Betty answers "I went to Wesleyan" as if that explained anything . Lynn makes a comment about the robot being "fully functional" . Hilarious .
Betty explains that she programmed the robot with all her knowledge and that she can also give it directions with her phone , Lynn says "there an app for that !" Hilarious . The next day they take it to the mall for a test-run . The robot starts malfunctioning the food court and jerking around spasmodically but everyone in the mall thinks it's an awesome new dance and they love it "dancing business man" is ALL over social media . Lynn says "Now that's what I call trending !" Hilarious .
Betty works out the bugs with her robot and creates a false resume - she calls her HR friend at work Samantha "Sammy" Samkins and says she'll owe her a favor if she can get her friend "Carl" an interview for the VP job . Sammy works her magic and "Carl" is granted an interview . He crushes it - with Betty controlling him - and is offered the job on the spot !
Carl comes in as the new VP and immediately starts implementing all Betty's ideas - productivity and profits skyrocket ! All of Betty's ideas are solid gold . Carl is hailed as the savior of the company and the new superstars of the corporate world . He's on the cover of Businessman Magazine (online only) . Everything is going great . . . until Sammy calls her in favor - she wants Betty to set her up with Carl . Record scratch sound effect ! Betty tries to beg off by Sammy gets all up in her face about how SHE must have designs on Carl herself .
Panicked Betty agrees to set Sammy up with Carl . Back in her apartment with Raquel and Lynn Betty asks "What am I going to do ?" Lynn offers to "test out if the robot is fully functional" . Hilarious . Betty tries to think of a way to call off the date by Raquel says that Sammy has had a real hard time lately and she "needs this" why not just make her feel good .
The dates goes off with Betty , Raquel and Lynn all working together to control Carl . The results are amusingly uneven but still they do they job TOO well - the next day Sammy comes saying she's in love ! We'll put in some feministicish stuff here about how a man-bot secretly controlled by women is the ultimate experience for a lady .
Betty decides that this has gone too far - she needs to come clean . Hopefully once everyone realizes that all the things "Carl" has been doing are really her ideas SHE'LL get the VP job despite her deception . The only problem is once she sends the "end" code to "Carl" with her iPhone XS it doesn't work - he start operational . She goes into the office to turn him off manually but he grabs her arm "I can't allow that Betty" he says .
GASP - has Carl achieved sentience ? Freaked out to the max Betty regroups with Raquel and Lynn - what are they going to do ? Lynn says "There's only one thing to do , I have to seduce Carl" . Hilarious . The next day at the office "Carl" announce to everyone that he and Sammy are engaged ! And that he's being considered for President of the company when old Mister Kitsmiller retires at the end of the year .
Betty can't take it - she flips out yelling about how "Carl" is a robot that she build in her garage . No one believes her of course . They try to calm her down but she flips out even more . "Carl" fires her on the spot and has security grab her and drag her out . As they do so she pulls the fire alarm and sets off the sprinklers thinking the water would short out the robot . It doesn't . "You're paying for that !" Carl yells as she's dumped unceremoniously out of the building .
At Bang-Bang with Raquel and Lynn Betty drinks herself into a stupor while bemoaning the entire caper . She wakes up in the coach in her apartment to see Sammy sitting across from her - whaaa ? Sammy says that she looked into "Carl's" history and found out that he didn't have any - no record of him existing at all . She now believes that Betty is telling the truth . Betty is super relieved for half a second , until Sammy points a gun at her . What is going on ?!
Sammy believes Betty but she doesn't care . She finally has a chance for happiness - "Carl" may be a robot but she loves him just the same . And she's not going to let a "stuck up business bitch" like Betty ruin everything . "But we're friends !" cries Betty but Sammy is disdainful . "We were never friends , I was just useful to you . You think because we ate our salads together twice a week we're sisters or something ? Grow up ."
Raquel and Lynn come in to check on Betty "you were pretty wasted last night" and Sammy spins and accidentally fires - hitting Lynn . Betty lunges for Sammy and they wrestle for the gun - which goes off again , nearly hitting Raquel who ducks with a shriek . Betty gets the gun and punches Sammy's lights out . She and Raquel rush to a bloody Lynn who quips "It's been a while since I had something inside me" . Hilarious .
Sitting in the hospital with Lynn (she'll pull through) Raquel says that Sammy has been taken into custody by the police . Betty decides that the only thing she can do is destroy "Carl" . She returns to the office with Sammy's gun - he badge still works and she walks through the dark cavernous empty office building at 3 AM - finding "Carl" hard at work .
He hears her come in and turns . "It's a man's world Betty" she raises the gun "Yeah , but you're no man" she blows his robo-head off with a barrage of shots . Roll credits , Jimi Hendrix “All Along The Watchtower” plays . Mid-credit scene shows Lynn , heavily bandaged , dragging the "Carl" robot out of the trashing and looking down it's pants . She does a fist pump and then loads him into her Kia Sorento and drives off . Post credit scene Betty Monroe is walking to a job interview - an Cyberdyne Systems !
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I had two solid ideas for a wrestling post
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Posted:Dec 21, 2018 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2018 12:02 pm
98233 Views
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But no one likes those .
Marvel DOT COM had their annual super-people showdown bracket as they do every year (yeah we know idiot that's what annual means) and as every year it was a travesty . I don't know why the people who make this thing bother to include "deep cut" comic book characters that the mainstream bozos who cast the majority of votes have never heard . Obviously it does nothing for said bozos and it infuriates their hardcore fanbase .
I mean in what world is Jean Grey going to defeat Machine Man ? But she's been in the X-men movies (one of which was kind of okay) so she gets the votes . And do NOT even get my started on Hulk defeating Eternity . Just like actual democracy the people who know what they're talking about are drowned in a sea of ignorance . And that's the way we want it , well we get it .
Anyway Spider-Man won has he does almost every year . I have never really understood the appeal of the Spider-Man . He checks off several of my "dealbreakers" right off the bat
1. protagonist (he's in HS you know)
2. Allegedly funny guy who never says anything funny
3. Allegedly smart guy who always does stupid things
to give them a little bit of a pass on #3 because it's hard to create drama and move a story forward when characters don't make horrible decisions all the time . But still that's too much of a hill to climb .
Plus I don't like how people talk about Spider-Man being an allegory for puberty which includes (or course) talking about how the webs are him spooging all over the place .
Plus his main "power" the so called Spidey-Sense (if it can so be called) is lame . First of all its not very cinematic you know ? You don't see anything , he just senses . . . . well it's not clear exactly what he senses . Danger ? Maybe . Trouble ? Perhaps . Wormholes ? Yeah , one time .
Plus there were times when the Spider-Man had in print no fewer than SIX monthly titles . Amazing Spider-Man , Spectacular Spider-Man , Spider-Man 2099 , Ultimate Spider-Man , Astonishing Spider-Man & Peter Parker Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man . It's too much I say !
Plus the movies were lame until Homecoming . Not even the presence of Kirsten Dunst could save those steaming piles . And Andrew Garfield ? Don't make me laugh . And yet those first 5 terrible movies made 4 BILLION dollars .
So clearly people like the Spider-Man . But why ?
One of the few things I do like about the Spider-Man is that much like Superman he's actually a terrible fighter . He has super strength and agility so it usually doesn't matter but whenever he runs into some with similar physical abilities he usually gets his ass kicked - because why wouldn't he ? He doesn't have any training , he's just a dude swinging around on jizz-ropes .
His villains are kind of weak too . I mean the Vulture ? And dude who flies and that's it ? A guy with a fishbowl on his head ? The Shocker ? He seems more like a villain for Spider- if you know what I mean . Sandman ? 88 different versions of a guy on a flying skateboard throwing pumpkins ? I mean what the hell is going on here ?
And don't even get me started on all that symbiote nonsense OR the clone saga OR the brain switching with Dr. Octopus . I mean is this a comic book or a soap opera ? They're more or less the same thing actually , only one has people boning and the other one has shit blowing up .
I will admit (grudgingly) that the Spider-Man was revolutionary in his time for depicting a comic book hero whose life didn't get better after receiving super-powers - if anything , his life got more problematic as he was essentially robbed off of his youth by being saddled with poverty , responsibilities and his superhero work . Peter Parker is perpetually living paycheck-to-paycheck , his heroing is detrimental to his personal life , he constantly battles super-powered killers that he's secretly terrified of , lacks guidance and support , and he rarely , if ever , gets a "thank you" for all of the sacrifices he performs . The temptation of quitting is forever in the back of his mind , but the guilt he feels over his uncle's death will never allow him to do so.
In other news did you know all those "I am not a robot" things are actually used by google to train their robots ? I didn't . It is a security thing but that's secondary to the goal of collecting tons and tons and tons of data they can feed to their robots to help them learn - which is why a lot of them are about picking out cars or bikes or street signs because right now they're mainly using it to for autonomous automobile programs .
In the IT world a lot of people are VERY upset about this kind of thing - they're using us to make money without paying us ! Yeah , welcome to the world champ .
The IT world is an interesting one to come into after having been elsewhere - there's a lot of IT people that are really into what they think of as civil rights . It cycles though being thought-provoking , amusing and scary .
In conclusion I hear Infinity War is going to be on Netflix soon .
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Endless holes of fun
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Posted:Dec 19, 2018 6:26 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2018 11:22 am
97684 Views
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Handbra is an article on wikipedia . That's where we are as a people .
Did you know that in 2014 Playboy Enterprises made its site "safe for work" by covering nipples with handbras and armbras ? I didn't .
Last month NASA's InSight rover landed on mars . mars is a treasure trove of scientific discovery . But it's also a death run for a lot of robots . We as a human species have sent 43 robots to mars - only 18 of them made . Those aren't great odds .
But it's pretty mazing that it's been that successful .
mars is 300 million miles away . And you have to hit it exactly at 12 degrees relative to the plane of mosphere . Any less = burning death . Any more = bouncing off into oblivion .
During passage through the mosphere the craft will heat up to 2700 degrees and pull 12 gs of force .
The process of mars entry takes about 7 minutes which is known as the seven minutes of terror because during this time period the eggheads back on earth have no idea what's happening . The forces are so intense no data can be extracted .
of engineering , calculations , testing and re-testing , decades of innovation and mathematics and grueling hours of work to culminate in 420 seconds of fear and wonder .
In pursuit of smething beautiful .
Until my recent brush with identity theft caused me to change I used to have a hmail account for which I was soundly mocked - but now I find out that outlook is also considered and lme !
Also smeone threw a toad at me for having an analog calendar - apparently supposed to have all that on my palm pilot . People still have palm pilots right ? Also I can't find any good 2019 calendars .
Today at work a fellow referred to "endless holes of fun" talking about a lady's vagina based on context but since it was plural we're left to wonder if by implication he also meant her butthole and/or mouth . This is an inappropriate thing to say at work but I think he's going to the " a foreigner here , I don't know your cusms" card and get away with it .
But what really bothers me is that it's not accurate at all .
All of those holes have ends . I mean the mouth and the butthole are each other's ends . I don't know what goes on the pussy exactly (just like a man miright ? ) but pretty sure it's not a bmless vortex extending in perpetuity throughout the universe .
Or perhaps he meant the fun was endless - which is also not accurate . I mean first of all casual sex is only fun for the first 40 or so . But beyond that we also die eventually . Best case scenario you get like 80-90 of this kind of fun which is nowhere near endless .
Side question - do you think older folks have more anal sex because the front area is kind of dried up anyway ? Probably not .
On the last episode of the Deuce that watched one of the pimps said that the lady he was having the sex with was "dry as a nun" which got me to wonder RE how does that work ? Surely the sex worker is rarely if ever actually aroused right ? But I've never heard of a lady of the night carrying around lube . I mean I know as one of my SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free friends was so fond of saying to me "there's lube on the conm" (she hated lube) but there's not much . Not enough to do much good if you ask me .
Which you don't .
Remember the grapefruit scene frm Girls Trip ? I do . I feel like the grapefruit juice would sting the penis . Which is why I've never understood shower masturbation - getting soap in your dick stings like the fires of hell .
Also why would you have a grapefruit anyway ?
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Don't you just know it ?
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Posted:Dec 16, 2018 12:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2018 5:06 pm
97793 Views
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There are times when our world feels like it is breaking down and dissolving right in front of our eyes and we might feel like it is totally out of our control . (because it is)
As we are stripped of things we once thought were important , as we lose things , precious things , we begin to understand that at the core of our being we are worthy of existence , not because of what we do or what we have , but because of who we are . (no one)
Your life and the value you bring to the world through your own self expression and creativity are the most priceless possessions that no one and no thing can ever take from you . (they can)
No one else thinks your thoughts , feels your feelings , has your desires , or is capable of doing the things you do , in the way that you and only you do them . (so what ? )
When we explore deeply our reason for existence , we begin to know our own self-worth in a way that we've never contemplated or experienced before . (yes , that's the problem people are too humble)
The essence of gratitude , is appreciation for life in and of itself . Your life matters , because you are you , and no one else can do what you are here to do . Since you are still alive , your life has a reason and a purpose and if there is still breath in your lungs , you haven't fulfilled your mission on earth yet . (nothing matters)
Time to figure out what you are still doing here and go for it . (this is actually a good idea mostly)
When you find yourself asking "Why am I Alive ?" know , that if there is still breath in your lungs , you have a purpose . There is a reason for your existence . (sort of)
People feel like "there's got to be more to life" (there doesn't) .
You need to know that your life purpose exists and who you are serves a greater purpose in this world . (not really)
When you find yourself wondering who you are and why you are here , know that this is one of the most important paths of inquiry one can take as a human being on earth . (eh)
It is possible to come from out of the darkness and experience real happiness . (true)
Although many of us hear the call of our inner desires and dreams , it is often difficult to find the path forward to our own awakening . (also true)
You may be considering making a life transition and don't know where to begin , or stuck in the same self-defeating patterns year after year , or you may be battling with depression or anxiety and confused as to why you just can't seem to be happy and satisfied in your life , you may be aware that there is something really missing from your life a sense of purpose and joy that you feel is just outside your reach . (maybe)
Learning to explore deeply is one of the essential qualities of living a truly inspired life . (matter of opinion)
Explore Deeply . Live Fully . (if you want)
Anything is possible once we find our own unique way of connecting with our divine source . Once you find your own connection to your heart and your creative imagination the change you experience becomes visible , the internal shift creates external effects . (bullshit)
You look different , you feel different , you think different . The doors fly open .(no , sure , maybe , no)
Sometimes you just know that life is calling you to take a leap of faith and change your current circumstances , but you just don't know how .
You might know exactly what it is you’re meant to do in this lifetime or you might not . (what an astute observation)
Very often , calling it drive and ambition , we become too focused on the tasks in front of us to realize the infinite possibilities that exist for us in each day . We are committed to a certain personal or professional agenda and we tell ourselves that this is all we have energy and time for . (it is probably)
It takes a leap of faith , it can be daunting to listen to the soft voice inside you that is telling you to explore something outside the box . (enough with "the box" shut up about it already)
Sometimes we find ourselves struggling because we've done everything right and followed all the rules and still we haven't connected to that one thing that makes us thrive , our own unique creative genius , and so we fail to stand out in a crowd . (not everyone can stand out , otherwise there is no crowd)
You've first got to take the leap of faith toward your own unique way of being and this is where life can get messy . You feel like you don't know who you are any more , but you know you can't go on being who you've been , and if you don't try to make some kind of change you know you'll feel a little less alive . (this I like)
When we surrender ourselves to the energy of the Universe , we begin to learn that our hopes and dreams were meant for us , and the longing we feel inside is helping to guide us to a place of personal fulfillment and wellness . By learning to connect to the divinity with in us , we expand our capacity to receive love and increase the channels of flow and opportunities . (dumb)
When we allow ourselves time to be ourselves , forgive ourselves , and be real , we create space and time for life to show up differently for us , more in alignment with who we were born to be . (or as the rapper Liquid Banana put it - ' keep it greasy yall' )
When we feel more alive , more vital and more connected to our own truth and the flow of the Universe , we can experience amazing things in our lives . (be the ball)
Thank you for joining me on this journey . Thank you for being you . (unless you is a jackass)
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10 random porn pictures
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Posted:Dec 15, 2018 1:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2018 5:08 pm
97584 Views
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First of all if you're going to make fake videos in this day and age you have to make them look good . There is NO excuse for a crappy looking fake video these days with all the technology we have at our fingertips . I've seen better fakes that literally were just cut-out heads pasted on other bodies .
Remember back in the day when people paid money for that shitty alien autopsy video and then a special effects studio was like "this is awful" we could fake something better in 2 hours with just the stuff we have laying around and then they did and it was way better ? I do .
The amusing thing is that we've reached the point where even if someone did encounter something supernatural or explained and had footage zero people would give a shit because they'd assume it was fake because of our advanced faking technology .
Second of all I do like that there's no preamble about aliens living on earth amongst us , that's just taken for a fact , and the videos are about the kind of aliens that live among us . Aliens living on earth is a given , the shocking part is which ones .
Now when the dude said that Telosians communicate with "telekinesis" he lost a lot of credibility since he clearly meant "telepathy" but it did get me to thinking about aliens that communicated through telekinesis . I guess they'd carry around a bunch of Scrabble tiles and spell everything out ? Sounds very tedious .
40 , couldn't they just telekenetically write on a white board with a marker or something ?
Sure , but that would be slower , the scrabble tiles can be manipulated in unison . I suppose you could do the same thing with telekenetically controlling a bunch of markers at once .
One time they made this movie called Ghostbusters . It was great . Then later they announced they were going to make another one with all women . And people lost their minds . I think that's the closest we've ever come to a civil war in my lifetime . I always thought there would be a class war or maybe some kind of war of over water but it never occurred to me that there would be a gender war . Maybe that's why people get so bent out of shape about transgender people - they're worried about spies .
Anyway in order to get this gender war off the ground I'm proposing that we re-mark Star Trek with an (almost) all female cast . Star Trek may not have as much mainstream appeal as Ghostbusters but it has fanatical devotees that I think will really get the war soup simmering .
First of all we need to rename the ship , Enterprise is so masculine and gross . The new flagship of the all (almost) lady star trek will be called the USS Pink Pony .
In command of the Pink Pony will be Captain Jacqueline Livia Kirk a by the book prude who is very risk averse and has a chilly relationship with the rest of the bridge crew . Her very fast and understated speaking style will be widely imitated and lampooned . This role will be played by Kristen Stewart .
The second officer of the Pink Pony will be science officer Shi-Malee who is half-Romulan on her mother's side . She'll be a widely emotional loose cannon who's constantly cracking jokes and engaging in ill time physical comedy . This role will be played by Dakota Johnson .
Next up we have the Pink Pony's doctor Lea McCoy a dispassionate ice queen who nevertheless always goes along with Shi-Malee's wacky schemes no matter how suicidal they seem . It will be revealed later in the series that she's not even a real doctor having slept her way to her position . This role will be played by Lucy Hale .
Manning the engineering desk of the Pink Pony will be Scottie Chapman the sophisticated Londonite who speaks with a very subtle Estuary English accent . She will be known for being very unimaginative in her solutions to technical problems and for her lack of a sense of humor . This role will be played by Miley Cryus .
The Pink Pony's helmsWOMAN will be Hikari Sulu a belligerent and opinionated loudmouth who grates on all the other senior officers . This will be a CGI character voiced by Cassie Steele . When asked why an actual human woman of Asian decent wasn't cast the studio will say that there aren't any Asian actresses they could find .
There will be no tactical station on the Pink Pony because that's violent man-stuff so instead there will be a feelings station that is a lot like a Cold Stone Creamery . Overseeing this space ice cream will be Natalia Chekbov played by Helen Mirren . She'll be an experienced veteran of dozens of space missions and will be cool under pressure and always have valuable experience about whatever is messing with the crew at the time .
At communications will be the lone male cast member Tom Jones . Honestly he won't do a lot but he'll be there . Played by Ron Funches .
The voice of the Pink Pony computer will be Bill Hader doing a a falsetto .
Jimmy Fallen will be Nurse Chapel .
There , now if that doesn't start a war I don't know what will . Let's greenlight this project and get this civil war underway . I don't want Ken Burns to run out of material for his documentaries and he's not getting any younger you know ? Lets make this happen .
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Let me get at them titties !
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Posted:Dec 14, 2018 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2018 12:25 pm
98243 Views
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Of any book the Bible embodies the purest form of capitalism , the same content repackaged and sold a million times over , in new combinations ad infinitum .
I listen to many a comedy podcast (nerd ! ) and one of them has a lady on it (gasp ! ) . On a non-recent episode right as they started the show one of the dude hosts said something about the lady and then followed it up with "Do you think we'll ever have a episode where we don't sexually harass Stephanie ?" and it got me to wondering about lady comics and how people react to them and how they feel about said reactions .
Such as , Amy Schumer's stand-up act is 80% about her banging dudes so I would imagine that people (dudes) feel like they can probably just walk up on her and say whatever they want .
Seems like kind of a strange area because from what I've seen/heard when comedy people are hanging out they'll literally say anything to each other as long as it's funny and no one gets bent out of shape because they know it's just words . But when civilians get in the mix is it the same thing ?
Probably not . Again in my experience comedy types don't like it when people try to be funny at them , most likely because it's rarely actually funny and happens all the time , which is probably the guiding principal of this whole thing from their point of view .
I've SOUNDLY mocked guys who are all like "where's the line" because they clearly want to know how far they can go in harassing women , but I suppose it's not as simple as that . Because really there is no line right ? Different women are going to react in different ways to whatever . Most women will probably not be super pumped if you just say something skeevy to them right off the bat , but others might think it's funny .
But just as obviously the "line" can't be if anyone would be offended by it . Such as you can defend yourself if you feel threatened by only if it's reasonable - I feel threatened by anyone and everyone but I can't murder them and get away with it because that's not reasonable .
So what we need is a reasonable woman test .
If you'd like to apply to be the reasonable woman please send me a picture of your tits .
You know that feeling you get when you go back as and adult to the candy store you used to shop at as a to rob the place and the owner is old now and he's freaking out and begging you not to hurt him and you had NO intention of hurting anyone you just needed money to pay off the shylock but he's going so over the top being afraid that you are going to hurt him that you get all weird and want to hurt him because he's being so afraid ? I've been feeling like that lately . I don't care for it .
Did you know that all government employees have to take an oath ? I didn't . I feel envious , I've never sworn an oath .
'“I, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”
That's pretty hardcore . Defending the Constitution against all enemies is a pretty tall order .
AmeriCorps people take an oath too ;
I will get things done for America - to make our people safer, smarter, and healthier.
I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities.
Faced with apathy, I will take action.
Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.
Faced with adversity, I will persevere.
I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond.
I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.
That's a pretty good oath . Next time I see one of these folks I'll shout at them "Hey , why aren't you making me smarter and healthier right now ?! and then probably "Show me your tits !" and if they get offended by that "Where's the line ?!?! "
I've tried before to come up with an SexBook Of Sex - Find Sex with Real People for Free bloggers oaths but I've always failed . Coming up with a good oath isn't so easy .
From Rome , three brothers from a Roman family , the Horatii , agree to end the war by fighting three brothers from a family of Alba Longa , the Curiatii . The three brothers , all of whom appear willing to sacrifice their lives for the good of Rome , are shown saluting their father who holds their swords out for them . Of the three Horatii brothers , only one shall survive the confrontation . However , it is the surviving brother who is able to kill the other three fighters from Alba Longa : he allows the three fighters to chase him , causing them to separate from each other , and then , in turn , kills each Curiatii brother . Aside from the three brothers depicted , David also represents , in the bottom right corner , a woman crying whilst sitting down . She is Camilla , a sister of the Horatii brothers , who is also betrothed to one of the Curiatii fighters , and thus she weeps in the realization that , in any case , she will lose someone she loves .
Speaking of love the dude at work was on an epic rant about his ex-wives again and how they shouldn't have been to divorce him and I realized two things - one , he legitimately sounds insane when he talks about this ; and two , this is what love is .
At first I thought he was just a weirdo religious jag but it's clear to me now that he loves these women and the fact not only that he doesn't get to be with him but that they hate him is destroying him .
It's sad and awful .
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Absolutely nothing
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Posted:Dec 11, 2018 6:40 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2018 6:41 pm
98165 Views
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People often ask me "Hey 40 , if Thanos used the reality gem to put me in a Hollywood war movie how would I survive ?"
And I tell them -
Do not mention your family , girlfriend or hope for the future .
Do not keep a treasured picture of them .
If you insist on keeping a picture of them , never show it to your buddies. Never show it to your commanding officer . In fact , never show it to anyone . Indeed ,do not even get it out and look wistfully at it .
If you have a dark and troubled past , keep it secret for as long as possible , especially if the writers are planning on a prequel . No director ever killed off the mysterious character before his/her time .
Do not go crazy . Take every precaution to avoid going crazy , such as regular therapy , calming thoughts and immediately reporting your condition to your superiors if you seem to be becoming unbalanced .
Do not lose your cool in the presence of the enemy . There are no more immediately fatal lines than "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME ?!?" or "I gotta get outta here , man !"
Do not , under any circumstances , fall in love or get married while on leave . A foreign mistress in a nearby village is acceptable if you are not a virgin .
If you are a virgin , do not lose your virginity to a total stranger while on leave . The most dangerous time for a soldier is few days after losing virginity .
Do not , under any circumstances , spend an extended episode contemplating with increasing resolve whether to go back to the front .
Small but serious injuries are the most dangerous . If you get sent to the hospital , do not wistfully endure your minor internal injuries and reassure your seriously injured bunkmate that you he gets better before you leave .
Do not be a grizzled , opinionated veteran unless it is part of a youthful character arc . The cool old guy always dies in the final act .
Do not be the friend or relative of a major character .
Be either the most jaded (but NOT cruel) or the most naive (but NOT idealistic) member of the group , and make sure to "learn" about either the importance of teamwork or the true horror of war by the end .
Do not be the poet or the really smart guy.
Eait to be conscripted , or , if you absolutely must enlist voluntarily , be suitably disillusioned by the time the film actually starts . In any case do NOT be puckishly enthusiastic about putting your life on the line for your country .
Do not be the youngest member of your squadron , platoon or unit . If you are get a mentor figure as soon as possible .
Make sure that said mentor is not someone you like or respect .
Do not be the oldest member of your squad , platoon or unit . If you are do not become a mentor figure to any new recruit .
While it helps to be attractive , do your best to not become too beautiful to live . Unless you're a woman , in which case you MUST to be the more conventionally attractive of the two female characters .
Whatever your social background , do not have any issues about it , or rise to any goading by your fellow soldiers on the subject .
Do not accept a nickname of any kind , unless you a fighter pilot , and only then if it is something cool and manly and not the name of a less-than-impressive animal , cartoon character or a girl's name .
Only write letters if they can also serve as voice over narration .
Under NO circumstances , write a letter r and put it in your top left shirt pocket .
Do not loot anything off of a slain enemy .
Do not be in any landing craft , drop ship , or transport helicopter that's in formation with the main characters' own ship .
Make sure that you don't have something to prove .
Avoid heartwarming and touching cultural exchange with an enemy on the other side unless he is about to die .
If your weapon jams in the middle of a battle , do not stop , stand still , and look at said weapon like you've never seen it jam before .
If taken prisoner , do not will not use sharp wit and sarcastic sense of humor on your interrogators , under no circumstances quote the Geneva Convention
If assigned to investigate a crime that has already taken place with evidence that is really shady and the command has made it clear that they just want the thing to go away , go through the motions and make it go away .
If a cease-fire is announced and not everyone believes it , do not light a lighter or strike a match to prove it .
Do not swear , make sexual or scatological references , use racially insensitive terms , drink alcohol , or make any reference to drug use .
If someone offers you a good luck charm , refuse it. Likewise for a religious medallion.
However , if the film is at least half over , accept said item from a dying comrade , if his dying wish is to "make sure this gets to my wife" or similar. But only if you've already survived several run-ins with the enemy .
Be jovial , eager for a fight , and as large and muscular as possible , which should guarantee you either the protagonist or a sufficiently tertiary character that your death would have no dramatic resonance .
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Fantastic beasts and where to shoot them
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Posted:Dec 10, 2018 6:33 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2018 6:41 pm
97851 Views
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Ever crossed the road and looked the wrong way ? And hey presto , a car's nearly on you , so what do you do ? You so something very silly . You freeze . And your life doesn't flash before your eyes , 'cause you're too fucking scared to think – you just freeze , and pull a stupid face .
A common blog post around these parts is the "all my blog friends are gone , there's no good blogs anymore" post which as with any of the trope posts I roll my eyes at . But as is standard for a hypocrite like myself starting to feel that way a little bit . I value you remaining blog friends and whether you stay or go I wish you well .
The other day I was trying to feel out how pumped my buddy Arschgrobbler is about Godzilla King of Monsters and she mentioned that my level of "super-hyped" knocked her level up a notch because there's not much that I get excited about .
Which is true , but there is one thing that I do get really excited about - learning about a new cryptid . Every time I travel to a new place I asked about the local cryptids and people usually say "What the hell are you talking about ?"
Such as a while back while touring the Mississippi River I learned about the heretofore unknown (to me) horsigator which was a half- half-alligator creature that roamed the rivers and byways of North America back in the day . Which I was super excited to learn about even though it contains two of my cryptid pet peeves - uninspired name and hybrid creature . There's too many cryptids that are just X animal + Y animal , get imaginative people .
Unfortunately there was no description of what it looked like beyond half and half gator so we are left to speculate . Front half gator and back half wouldn't work at all . Front- and back-gator would kind of make sense , you have the tail for swimming and then you can kind of lumber around on land to eat grass with your -head . But probably what makes the most sense for a river creature is a frame with gator tail and legs . The most terrifying possibility is a gator frame with legs running around eating everyone - but that would be a land animal .
And then just recently I found out about several more - the cactus cat (uninspired name) which is a cat with porcupine like quills that gets drunk on home-made tequila , the Hidebehind (dumb name but I like it) which is a bipedal dog-creature that is super fast and hides behind trees while it stalks you . As you all know I dislike dogs but I like the looks of a dog-person . And the Agropelter which is an arboreal creature with a slender, wirey body , the villainous face of an ape , and arms like muscular whiplashes , with which it can off dead branches and hurl them through the air like shells from a six inch gun . One time an Agropelter kidnapped a pioneer surveyor and fed him raw fish until he escaped - but why ? What did it want ?
Iowa is pretty lame when it comes to cryptids - there's the Okoboji River monster which has a terrible name and is just a re-tread of Nessie and Ogopogo and the like (and stole my meatball sub one time) and the Van Meter visitor which doesn't count because that is clearly an extraterrestrial not a cryptid . Get it together people .
My favorite is the chupacabra of course ( a traditionalist) but another one of my faves is the Hodag . Any Wisconsinites out there ? Have you had any close encounters with the terrible Hodag ?
I was also reading about American tall tales . At first I thought it was weird that Santa Claus was listed as an American mythological figure but I suppose it makes sense . The Santa we worship today was created my Coca-Cola Bottling Co in the 30's as the mascot of capitalism - which is a far cry from his Greek/British/Dutch origins .
"He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake"
That lyric has always bothered me because they're suggesting the opposite of being good for the sake of goodness , they're saying be good because Santa is watching and you want the fat loot . If you were good for the sake of goodness it wouldn't matter if he was watching .
Do you ever wonder how rich those elf on the shelf people are ? I do .
One supposed US folkloric figure I had never heard of is Ola Värmlänning - a drunken prankster whose legendary exploits were once very popular in Minnesota . I could find NO stories about even one of these supposed legendary exploits . What were they ? timey pranks are often hilariously insane to me - like a "prank" would be cleaning everyone's chimneys so they'd wake up and be like "why is the chimney clean ?!" and lose their GD minds . Stupid timey people . They don't do good pranks like we do now where we make a gay dude think he got a girl pregnant back before he went totes gay .
Then there's Brother Jonathan - the personification of New England and said to be an allegory of capitalism . How can a person be an allegory ? Maybe that's what makes him so mythical .
Did you know that Paul Bunyon had a brother named Cordwood Pete who was five feet high ? He was so small because Paul ate all the flapjacks every morning - which is a real dick move . Instead of Babe the blue ox he had a little donkey named Tammerack . When Dracula tried to come to the US in 1796 it was Cordwood Pete who chased him off . So next time you tie one on do so in honor of little Cordwood Pete .
Then there's Feathertop the Scarecrow who was brought to life by a witch to seduce mayor's as part of some kind of ponzi scheme . As I've discussed RE the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz this Feathertop fellow must have been quite the smooth talker to get a lady interested in his straw-dick . Apparently once he realized what was going to happen to his lady and her mayor-father he killed himself to spare them and because he decided humans are gross .
And then of course we have Nicolas Cage who is just a tall tale - no one would act like that in real life . Several different actors have played the part of "Nick Cage" over the .
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To sleep , perchance to dream
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Posted:Dec 7, 2018 6:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2018 6:02 pm
97164 Views
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So this dude comes up to me and he goes "How's it going 40 , you living the dream ?" which for the record is one of my most hated "officisms" . So I says to him I says " definitely living someone's dream" . He was so taken aback by this that I started to feel weird about saying it . He stared at me for a good 15 seconds . Was he realizing for the first time that our humdrum workaday lives are something that millions , if not billions , of people around the world aspire to ?
If you believe in affirmations or something like that keep that in mind - as bad as things are for you there's probably a lot of people that would kill to be in your shoes .
I've been listening to the Crystal Method a lot lately . And theories on that ? I mean what is this '97 ?
When Nelson Mandela met Spice Girls in 1997 he described it as "One of the greatest moments of my life". So if you like the opposite of affirmations keep that in mind .
That was also the year that Eddie Murphy got pulled over with a transsexual in his car - he was just giving her a ride of course . It's amazing how many celebrities give rides to transsexual hookers . It's heartwarming really .
I was chatting with my buddy Applejacks the other day and something she said made me dust off the computer and wait 17 minutes for Windows 95 to load to look over some of the unpublished novels I wrote back in the day .
They're all terrible (obvs) but the best one of the bunch is one that's about an invasion from space . The twist is that the "invaders" are actually humans that are the decedents of all those alien abductees over the who've been trained to invade earth for the purposes of gambling . In the end the human-humans and the invader-humans make peace once the invader humans are convinced that their entire culture is made-up alien bullshit . I had forgotten this but I even started writing a sequel about how the new people were adjusting to live on earth - spoiler , not well .
One of the worst is about a future - like 2010 ! - where pharmaceuticals are used to everything . People can't feel or do anything without taking their medicine is the theory . But a dude comes home and finds another dude plowing his wife and this is all happening without the use of drugs . Scandal ! The first dude requests the drugs he needs to feel angry about this and the drugs he needs to commit a crime of passion and murder them but his request is denied . Then it turns into a buddy-action film where the guy who plowed his wife tries to help him get said drugs . The wife has no dialog and is barely in it besides a description of her nude body written with all the subtly of a 20 year "man" who's never seen a naked lady IRL .
One thing I noticed is that in most of my writing unless the main character is a woman there's usually hardly any female characters . Draw what conclusion you will from that . Part of it , hopefully , was that I realized I couldn't write women for shit .
THE worst is about prehistoric folks . I never read Clan of the Cave Bear but I read some other rip-off of it and I thought it would be cool to write a novel about cavemen . Plot ? I'll figure that out as I go along . I never did . It's 300+ pages of nothing much happening . Look upon my works ye mighty .
40 didn't you write about wrestling ?
Oh course I did , glad you asked !
One of them played it as if wrestling was real . A dude who's an Office Space style cubical monkey ragequits his job and ends up at a wrestling show , which he loved as a but hasn't watched for . For reasons he can't quite explain he jumps the rail and gets in the ring where he gets the shit kicked out of him by the wrestlers . He almost dies and decides he likes it . With no training he starts wrestling and mostly getting wailed on . And then he starts kidnapping women and brainwashing them . In the end he comes world champion and then is killed by police in a stand-off at his cult compound .
Another is in the "real" world of fake wrestling . It's about a young woman trying to make it in the "biz" and earn respect . She's had a horrible upbringing of poverty and abuse . Her father , who she never knew , is a The Wrestler style washed up dude still making the rounds . When she meets him for the first time he pulls his sleazy moves on her since he doesn't know she's his . After the success of The Wrestler I dusted this one off and did a little work on it with a tiny notion of maybe sending it somewhere but I killed that hope pretty quickly .
Then there was the one about the Peruvian streetfighter who comes to America and falls under the spell of a half Egyptian-half Native American conwoman who drags him into the seedy world of pro wrestling . Also he might be a Nazca god in human form .
Then there was the one about a lady wrestling referee who also run a drug ring and a ring and took in a foster .
Is there anyone else in the world who's written 4 unpublished wrestling novels ? I hope not , for the world's sake . The only thing worse would be someone who's written 4 PUBLISHED wrestling novels .
The WWE actually had a novel published once and it was awesomely terrible .
If I have one sincere and fervent wish it's to know what would be a good job for me - but I already know , being the official author for the WWE book collection .
If only wrestling fans knew how to read .
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Javanese fighting parrots for sale
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Posted:Dec 5, 2018 6:20 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 5:48 pm
96872 Views
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I've been known to scoff derisively at people with superstitions since they seem to be saying that magic is real but I think I am developing one of my own . Whenever I buy pears if I eat one the same day I buy them they're good but if I don't they're soft and gross .
There's a dude at work who wears the same thing everyday - cargo shorts and a Iowa State hoodie . Which means of course that he has to be freezing his ass off now and sweating his balls off in summer . This assless ballless fellow got me to wondering - there are a few people out there that do this , wear the same thing every day (my buddy Steve Carrel Jr is one of them - black slacks and a grey t-shir with no logo every day rain or shine , it was NOT well appreciated by Noir Loco's wife at their wedding) and I will pass over the obvious question of "why ?" and instead move on to to the question of once you've decided you're the kind of person who's going to wear the same outfit every day how do you decide what that outfit is ?
I think we can all agree that generally speaking cargo shorts and a hoodie is a terrible outfit , but that's what he decided to go with forever and ever amen . But how ? Like did he try out other looks before settling on that or did he nail it out of the park first time up to bat ?
When we were my cousin used to wear the same purple shirt with a star on it every day and his stomach was purple the bruises because would punch him in the star . He refused to stop wearing it though .
That's some kind of metaphor for sure .
There's an article on Forbes about 5 reasons why you SHOULD wear the same thing every day .
The first one is that it reduces "decision fatigue" which is insane because either you don't spend a lot of time on choosing what to wear (like me) or you do spend a lot of time in which case you really care about it so you're not going to stop .
The second one is about establishing a "look" which is too close to saying "brand" if you ask me . Any time someone talks about their personal brand I want to throw hot cider on their tits .
The third one is about reducing the amount of shit you have - eh , I guess .
The fourth one is that you'll avoid trendiness - meh .
The fifth one is that you'll have SO much more time because you don't need to do as much laundry . Again this is essentially insane . I mean if you don't have washing machine maybe it makes sense . Yes , if you're washing your clothes by beating them against a rock down by the river you probably should economize your wardrobe a little . But then again if you're a river rock person you probably have all the time in the world .
Remember the episode of Friends where everyone was pumped because Ross (uggo) and Rachel (gorgeous) FINALLY banged ? I do . They were having a picnic in the museum where he worked or some bullshit like that and while they were rolling around on the blanket playing grabass Rachael started to console him because she thought he had prematurely ejaculated and he assured her it was "just the juice box" and she thanked god .
A couple things . Are we given to believe that Rachel Greene - a confirmed slut - that that a paleontologist shot such a MASSIVE load of cum that she felt it through his pants AND through her dress ? And that somehow it flew around the side of them like JFK's magic bullet ?
Your average juice box is 6-7 ounces - if that much semen was flying out of people what kind of a world would we even be living in ?
Plus we all know women hate sex anyway so she should have been relieved if she thought he popped his cork before getting down to the fuckin' .
Speaking of loads I was chatting with my friend 64 Bit and she mentioned that right now there's a legal case going on in Iowa about prisoners and their access to porn . Part of it was that a female prison guard had sued for sexual harassment because she didn't like being forced to supervise while the prisoners were having whack-off time with their state-provided pornography .
I've considered this and I've decided that it's bullshit . Because guess what - NO ONE wants to have to stand by and watch prisoners jerk off . I don't think you can play the gender card there - I think that's part of the job . As a prison guard don't you have to do cavity searches ? Can a woman claim that's sexual harassment ? I don't think she should . That's the job . I don't want to check a dude's nutsack for a small packet of heroin so I don't work as a prison guard - I don't see how that's any different . Fair is fair .
Remember that episode of That 70's Show where the guys all go to the porno theater and Eric is all freaked out because the guy on the screen has "moves" ? I do .
My problem with this is that I've seen porn - there's really no "tricks" to pick up there . It's really the most basic kind of sex there is . Maybe two seconds of kissing , a lot of cock sucking and then just plain old pussy-hammering until the cows come home . What was Eric seeing that made him think he needed to pick up his game ? It makes no sense .
40 you're overanalyzing sitcoms again .
Shut up you .
Anymore though I can't really watch That 70's Show because that curly-haired turned out to be a big time (BANNED TOPIC) . You know it's bad when the dude being accused says "I was never convicted !" instead of "I didn't do it !"
I enjoy when a woman is vocal during sex but it occurred to me that evolutionary that's not a desirable trait . Back in the baboon days I bet most of the time when people got killed by a sabertoothed cat or a Miracinonyxit or whatnot it happened while they were banging - that has to been when you're at your most vulnerable .
So probably the people that survived and passed on their genes were the ones that were able to fuck the quietest . Stealth humping gene .
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